Act IV, Scene 4

The same.

[Enter LAUNCE, with his his Dog]

• Launce. When a man's servant shall play the cur with him,
  look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a 1835
  puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or
  four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it.
  I have taught him, even as one would say precisely,
  'thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to deliver
  him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master; 1840
  and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he
  steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg:
  O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself
  in all companies! I would have, as one should say,
  one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, 1845
  as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had
  more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did,
  I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I
  live, he had suffered for't; you shall judge. He
  thrusts me himself into the company of three or four 1850
  gentlemanlike dogs under the duke's table: he had
  not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing while, but
  all the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says
  one: 'What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him
  out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke. 1855
  I, having been acquainted with the smell before,
  knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that
  whips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip
  the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him
  the more wrong,' quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you 1860
  wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out
  of the chamber. How many masters would do this for
  his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the
  stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had
  been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese 1865
  he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.
  Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the
  trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam
  Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I
  do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make 1870
  water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst
  thou ever see me do such a trick?

[Enter PROTEUS and JULIA]

• Proteus. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well
  And will employ thee in some service presently. 1875

• Julia. In what you please: I'll do what I can.

• Proteus. I hope thou wilt.
  [To LAUNCE]
  How now, you whoreson peasant!
  Where have you been these two days loitering? 1880

• Launce. Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

• Proteus. And what says she to my little jewel?

• Launce. Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you
  currish thanks is good enough for such a present.

• Proteus. But she received my dog? 1885

• Launce. No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him
  back again.

• Proteus. What, didst thou offer her this from me?

• Launce. Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by
  the hangman boys in the market-place: and then I 1890
  offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of
  yours, and therefore the gift the greater.

• Proteus. Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,
  Or ne'er return again into my sight.
  Away, I say! stay'st thou to vex me here? 1895
  [Exit LAUNCE]
  A slave, that still an end turns me to shame!
  Sebastian, I have entertained thee,
  Partly that I have need of such a youth
  That can with some discretion do my business, 1900
  For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,
  But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,
  Which, if my augury deceive me not,
  Witness good bringing up, fortune and truth:
  Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee. 1905
  Go presently and take this ring with thee,
  Deliver it to Madam Silvia:
  She loved me well deliver'd it to me.

• Julia. It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
  She is dead, belike? 1910

• Proteus. Not so; I think she lives.

• Julia. Alas!

• Proteus. Why dost thou cry 'alas'?

• Julia. I cannot choose
  But pity her. 1915

• Proteus. Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?

• Julia. Because methinks that she loved you as well
  As you do love your lady Silvia:
  She dreams of him that has forgot her love;
  You dote on her that cares not for your love. 1920
  'Tis pity love should be so contrary;
  And thinking of it makes me cry 'alas!'

• Proteus. Well, give her that ring and therewithal
  This letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady
  I claim the promise for her heavenly picture. 1925
  Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
  Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary.

[Exit]

• Julia. How many women would do such a message?
  Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd 1930
  A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
  Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him
  That with his very heart despiseth me?
  Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
  Because I love him I must pity him. 1935
  This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
  To bind him to remember my good will;
  And now am I, unhappy messenger,
  To plead for that which I would not obtain,
  To carry that which I would have refused, 1940
  To praise his faith which I would have dispraised.
  I am my master's true-confirmed love;
  But cannot be true servant to my master,
  Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
  Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly 1945
  As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.
  [Enter SILVIA, attended]
  Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean
  To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.

• Silvia. What would you with her, if that I be she? 1950

• Julia. If you be she, I do entreat your patience
  To hear me speak the message I am sent on.

• Silvia. From whom?

• Julia. From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

• Silvia. O, he sends you for a picture. 1955

• Julia. Ay, madam.

• Silvia. Ursula, bring my picture here.
  Go give your master this: tell him from me,
  One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
  Would better fit his chamber than this shadow. 1960

• Julia. Madam, please you peruse this letter.—
  Pardon me, madam; I have unadvised
  Deliver'd you a paper that I should not:
  This is the letter to your ladyship.

• Silvia. I pray thee, let me look on that again. 1965

• Julia. It may not be; good madam, pardon me.

• Silvia. There, hold!
  I will not look upon your master's lines:
  I know they are stuff'd with protestations
  And full of new-found oaths; which he will break 1970
  As easily as I do tear his paper.

• Julia. Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.

• Silvia. The more shame for him that he sends it me;
  For I have heard him say a thousand times
  His Julia gave it him at his departure. 1975
  Though his false finger have profaned the ring,
  Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.

• Julia. She thanks you.

• Silvia. What say'st thou?

• Julia. I thank you, madam, that you tender her. 1980
  Poor gentlewoman! my master wrongs her much.

• Silvia. Dost thou know her?

• Julia. Almost as well as I do know myself:
  To think upon her woes I do protest
  That I have wept a hundred several times. 1985

• Silvia. Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her.

• Julia. I think she doth; and that's her cause of sorrow.

• Silvia. Is she not passing fair?

• Julia. She hath been fairer, madam, than she is:
  When she did think my master loved her well, 1990
  She, in my judgment, was as fair as you:
  But since she did neglect her looking-glass
  And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
  The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
  And pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face, 1995
  That now she is become as black as I.

• Silvia. How tall was she?

• Julia. About my stature; for at Pentecost,
  When all our pageants of delight were play'd,
  Our youth got me to play the woman's part, 2000
  And I was trimm'd in Madam Julia's gown,
  Which served me as fit, by all men's judgments,
  As if the garment had been made for me:
  Therefore I know she is about my height.
  And at that time I made her weep agood, 2005
  For I did play a lamentable part:
  Madam, 'twas Ariadne passioning
  For Theseus' perjury and unjust flight;
  Which I so lively acted with my tears
  That my poor mistress, moved therewithal, 2010
  Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead
  If I in thought felt not her very sorrow!

• Silvia. She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
  Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
  I weep myself to think upon thy words. 2015
  Here, youth, there is my purse; I give thee this
  For thy sweet mistress' sake, because thou lovest her.
  Farewell.

[Exit SILVIA, with attendants]

• Julia. And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you know her. 2020
  A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful
  I hope my master's suit will be but cold,
  Since she respects my mistress' love so much.
  Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
  Here is her picture: let me see; I think, 2025
  If I had such a tire, this face of mine
  Were full as lovely as is this of hers:
  And yet the painter flatter'd her a little,
  Unless I flatter with myself too much.
  Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow: 2030
  If that be all the difference in his love,
  I'll get me such a colour'd periwig.
  Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine:
  Ay, but her forehead's low, and mine's as high.
  What should it be that he respects in her 2035
  But I can make respective in myself,
  If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
  Come, shadow, come and take this shadow up,
  For 'tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,
  Thou shalt be worshipp'd, kiss'd, loved and adored! 2040
  And, were there sense in his idolatry,
  My substance should be statue in thy stead.
  I'll use thee kindly for thy mistress' sake,
  That used me so; or else, by Jove I vow,
  I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes 2045
  To make my master out of love with thee!

[Exit]