Act II, Scene 5

The same. A street.

[Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally]

• Speed. Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!

• Launce. Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not 880
  welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never
  undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
  place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess
  say 'Welcome!'

• Speed. Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you 885
  presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou
  shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how
  did thy master part with Madam Julia?

• Launce. Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very
  fairly in jest. 890

• Speed. But shall she marry him?

• Launce. No.

• Speed. How then? shall he marry her?

• Launce. No, neither.

• Speed. What, are they broken? 895

• Launce. No, they are both as whole as a fish.

• Speed. Why, then, how stands the matter with them?

• Launce. Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it
  stands well with her.

• Speed. What an ass art thou! I understand thee not. 900

• Launce. What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My
  staff understands me.

• Speed. What thou sayest?

• Launce. Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,
  and my staff understands me. 905

• Speed. It stands under thee, indeed.

• Launce. Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

• Speed. But tell me true, will't be a match?

• Launce. Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,
  it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will. 910

• Speed. The conclusion is then that it will.

• Launce. Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

• Speed. 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest
  thou, that my master is become a notable lover?

• Launce. I never knew him otherwise. 915

• Speed. Than how?

• Launce. A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

• Speed. Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.

• Launce. Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

• Speed. I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover. 920

• Launce. Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
  in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
  if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the
  name of a Christian.

• Speed. Why? 925

• Launce. Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to
  go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

• Speed. At thy service.

[Exeunt]