Act V, Scene 1

Before LEONATO’S house.

[Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO]

• Antonio. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
  And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
  Against yourself. 2070

• Leonato. I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
  Which falls into mine ears as profitless
  As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
  Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
  But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. 2075
  Bring me a father that so loved his child,
  Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
  And bid him speak of patience;
  Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
  And let it answer every strain for strain, 2080
  As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
  In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
  If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
  Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan,
  Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk 2085
  With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
  And I of him will gather patience.
  But there is no such man: for, brother, men
  Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
  Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it, 2090
  Their counsel turns to passion, which before
  Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
  Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
  Charm ache with air and agony with words:
  No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience 2095
  To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
  But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
  To be so moral when he shall endure
  The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
  My griefs cry louder than advertisement. 2100

• Antonio. Therein do men from children nothing differ.

• Leonato. I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
  For there was never yet philosopher
  That could endure the toothache patiently,
  However they have writ the style of gods 2105
  And made a push at chance and sufferance.

• Antonio. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
  Make those that do offend you suffer too.

• Leonato. There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so.
  My soul doth tell me Hero is belied; 2110
  And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
  And all of them that thus dishonour her.

• Antonio. Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.

[Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO]

• Don Pedro. Good den, good den. 2115

• Claudio. Good day to both of you.

• Leonato. Hear you. my lords,—

• Don Pedro. We have some haste, Leonato.

• Leonato. Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
  Are you so hasty now? well, all is one. 2120

• Don Pedro. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

• Antonio. If he could right himself with quarreling,
  Some of us would lie low.

• Claudio. Who wrongs him?

• Leonato. Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:— 2125
  Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
  I fear thee not.

• Claudio. Marry, beshrew my hand,
  If it should give your age such cause of fear:
  In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword. 2130

• Leonato. Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
  I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
  As under privilege of age to brag
  What I have done being young, or what would do
  Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head, 2135
  Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me
  That I am forced to lay my reverence by
  And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
  Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
  I say thou hast belied mine innocent child; 2140
  Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
  And she lies buried with her ancestors;
  O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
  Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!

• Claudio. My villany? 2145

• Leonato. Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.

• Don Pedro. You say not right, old man.

• Leonato. My lord, my lord,
  I'll prove it on his body, if he dare,
  Despite his nice fence and his active practise, 2150
  His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

• Claudio. Away! I will not have to do with you.

• Leonato. Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child:
  If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

• Antonio. He shall kill two of us, and men indeed: 2155
  But that's no matter; let him kill one first;
  Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
  Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
  Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence;
  Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will. 2160

• Leonato. Brother,—

• Antonio. Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
  And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,
  That dare as well answer a man indeed
  As I dare take a serpent by the tongue: 2165
  Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

• Leonato. Brother Antony,—

• Antonio. Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
  And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,—
  Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys, 2170
  That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
  Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
  And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
  How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
  And this is all. 2175

• Leonato. But, brother Antony,—

• Antonio. Come, 'tis no matter:
  Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

• Don Pedro. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
  My heart is sorry for your daughter's death: 2180
  But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
  But what was true and very full of proof.

• Leonato. My lord, my lord,—

• Don Pedro. I will not hear you.

• Leonato. No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard. 2185

• Antonio. And shall, or some of us will smart for it.

[Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO]

• Don Pedro. See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.

[Enter BENEDICK]

• Claudio. Now, signior, what news? 2190

• Benedick. Good day, my lord.

• Don Pedro. Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
  almost a fray.

• Claudio. We had like to have had our two noses snapped off
  with two old men without teeth. 2195

• Don Pedro. Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had
  we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.

• Benedick. In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
  to seek you both.

• Claudio. We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are 2200
  high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
  away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

• Benedick. It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?

• Don Pedro. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

• Claudio. Never any did so, though very many have been beside 2205
  their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
  minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.

• Don Pedro. As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
  sick, or angry?

• Claudio. What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, 2210
  thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

• Benedick. Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
  charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

• Claudio. Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
  broke cross. 2215

• Don Pedro. By this light, he changes more and more: I think
  he be angry indeed.

• Claudio. If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

• Benedick. Shall I speak a word in your ear?

• Claudio. God bless me from a challenge! 2220

• Benedick. [Aside to CLAUDIO] You are a villain; I jest not:
  I will make it good how you dare, with what you
  dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
  protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
  lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me 2225
  hear from you.

• Claudio. Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

• Don Pedro. What, a feast, a feast?

• Claudio. I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
  head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most 2230
  curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
  a woodcock too?

• Benedick. Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

• Don Pedro. I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
  other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,' 2235
  said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a
  great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.'
  'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it
  hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman
  is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.' 2240
  'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I
  believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on
  Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning;
  there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus
  did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular 2245
  virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
  wast the properest man in Italy.

• Claudio. For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
  not.

• Don Pedro. Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she 2250
  did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
  the old man's daughter told us all.

• Claudio. All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
  hid in the garden.

• Don Pedro. But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on 2255
  the sensible Benedick's head?

• Claudio. Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
  married man'?

• Benedick. Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
  you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests 2260
  as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
  hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
  you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
  the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
  you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord 2265
  Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
  then, peace be with him.

[Exit]

• Don Pedro. He is in earnest.

• Claudio. In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for 2270
  the love of Beatrice.

• Don Pedro. And hath challenged thee.

• Claudio. Most sincerely.

• Don Pedro. What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
  doublet and hose and leaves off his wit! 2275

• Claudio. He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
  doctor to such a man.

• Don Pedro. But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
  be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?

[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]

• Dogberry. Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
  shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay,
  an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

• Don Pedro. How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio
  one! 2285

• Claudio. Hearken after their offence, my lord.

• Don Pedro. Officers, what offence have these men done?

• Dogberry. Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
  moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
  they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have 2290
  belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
  things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.

• Don Pedro. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
  ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why
  they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay 2295
  to their charge.

• Claudio. Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by
  my troth, there's one meaning well suited.

• Don Pedro. Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus
  bound to your answer? this learned constable is 2300
  too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?

• Borachio. Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
  do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
  deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
  could not discover, these shallow fools have brought 2305
  to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
  to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
  to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
  the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
  garments, how you disgraced her, when you should 2310
  marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
  I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
  to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
  master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
  nothing but the reward of a villain. 2315

• Don Pedro. Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

• Claudio. I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.

• Don Pedro. But did my brother set thee on to this?

• Borachio. Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.

• Don Pedro. He is composed and framed of treachery: 2320
  And fled he is upon this villany.

• Claudio. Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
  In the rare semblance that I loved it first.

• Dogberry. Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our
  sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: 2325
  and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time
  and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

• Verges. Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the
  Sexton too.

[Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton]

• Leonato. Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,
  That, when I note another man like him,
  I may avoid him: which of these is he?

• Borachio. If you would know your wronger, look on me.

• Leonato. Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd 2335
  Mine innocent child?

• Borachio. Yea, even I alone.

• Leonato. No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
  Here stand a pair of honourable men;
  A third is fled, that had a hand in it. 2340
  I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
  Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
  'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

• Claudio. I know not how to pray your patience;
  Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself; 2345
  Impose me to what penance your invention
  Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
  But in mistaking.

• Don Pedro. By my soul, nor I:
  And yet, to satisfy this good old man, 2350
  I would bend under any heavy weight
  That he'll enjoin me to.

• Leonato. I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
  That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
  Possess the people in Messina here 2355
  How innocent she died; and if your love
  Can labour ought in sad invention,
  Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
  And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:
  To-morrow morning come you to my house, 2360
  And since you could not be my son-in-law,
  Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
  Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
  And she alone is heir to both of us:
  Give her the right you should have given her cousin, 2365
  And so dies my revenge.

• Claudio. O noble sir,
  Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
  I do embrace your offer; and dispose
  For henceforth of poor Claudio. 2370

• Leonato. To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
  To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
  Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
  Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
  Hired to it by your brother. 2375

• Borachio. No, by my soul, she was not,
  Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
  But always hath been just and virtuous
  In any thing that I do know by her.

• Dogberry. Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and 2380
  black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call
  me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his
  punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of
  one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and
  a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's 2385
  name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
  that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
  for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.

• Leonato. I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

• Dogberry. Your worship speaks like a most thankful and 2390
  reverend youth; and I praise God for you.

• Leonato. There's for thy pains.

• Dogberry. God save the foundation!

• Leonato. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.

• Dogberry. I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I 2395
  beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the
  example of others. God keep your worship! I wish
  your worship well; God restore you to health! I
  humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
  meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour. 2400

[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES]

• Leonato. Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.

• Antonio. Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.

• Don Pedro. We will not fail.

• Claudio. To-night I'll mourn with Hero. 2405

• Leonato. [To the Watch] Bring you these fellows on. We'll
  talk with Margaret,
  How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.

[Exeunt, severally]