Act I, Scene 4

A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’ house.

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY]

• Hostess Quickly. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, 405
  and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
  Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
  body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
  God's patience and the king's English.

• Rugby. I'll go watch. 410

• Hostess Quickly. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
  faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
  [Exit RUGBY]
  An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
  shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no 415
  tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
  that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
  that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
  that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

• Simple. Ay, for fault of a better. 420

• Hostess Quickly. And Master Slender's your master?

• Simple. Ay, forsooth.

• Hostess Quickly. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
  glover's paring-knife?

• Simple. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a 425
  little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

• Hostess Quickly. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

• Simple. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
  as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
  with a warrener. 430

• Hostess Quickly. How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
  hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

• Simple. Yes, indeed, does he.

• Hostess Quickly. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
  Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your 435
  master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

[Re-enter RUGBY]

• Rugby. Out, alas! here comes my master.

• Hostess Quickly. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
  go into this closet: he will not stay long. 440
  [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]
  What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
  Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
  he be not well, that he comes not home.
  [Singing] 445
  And down, down, adown-a, &c.

[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

• Doctor Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
  go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
  a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. 450

• Hostess Quickly. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
  [Aside]
  I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
  the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

• Doctor Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je 455
  m'en vais a la cour—la grande affaire.

• Hostess Quickly. Is it this, sir?

• Doctor Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
  is dat knave Rugby?

• Hostess Quickly. What, John Rugby! John! 460

• Rugby. Here, sir!

• Doctor Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
  take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

• Rugby. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

• Doctor Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me! 465
  Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
  dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

• Hostess Quickly. Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!

• Doctor Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!
  [Pulling SIMPLE out] 470
  Rugby, my rapier!

• Hostess Quickly. Good master, be content.

• Doctor Caius. Wherefore shall I be content-a?

• Hostess Quickly. The young man is an honest man.

• Doctor Caius. What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is 475
  no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

• Hostess Quickly. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
  of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

• Doctor Caius. Vell.

• Simple. Ay, forsooth; to desire her to— 480

• Hostess Quickly. Peace, I pray you.

• Doctor Caius. Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

• Simple. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
  speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
  master in the way of marriage. 485

• Hostess Quickly. This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
  finger in the fire, and need not.

• Doctor Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
  Tarry you a little-a while.

[Writes]

• Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he
  had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
  so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
  man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
  the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my 495
  master,—I may call him my master, look you, for I
  keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
  scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
  all myself,—

• Simple. [Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to 500
  come under one body's hand.

• Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you
  shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
  and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in
  your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master 505
  himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
  notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's
  neither here nor there.

• Doctor Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
  gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee 510
  park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
  to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
  you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
  stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
  at his dog: 515

[Exit SIMPLE]

• Hostess Quickly. Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

• Doctor Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
  dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
  vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine 520
  host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
  will myself have Anne Page.

• Hostess Quickly. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
  must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

• Doctor Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have 525
  not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
  door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

• Hostess Quickly. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
  know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor 530
  knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
  than I do with her, I thank heaven.

• Fenton. [Within] Who's within there? ho!

• Hostess Quickly. Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

[Enter FENTON]

• Fenton. How now, good woman? how dost thou?

• Hostess Quickly. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

• Fenton. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

• Hostess Quickly. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
  gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you 540
  that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

• Fenton. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

• Hostess Quickly. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
  notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
  book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart 545
  above your eye?

• Fenton. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

• Hostess Quickly. Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
  another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
  broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I 550
  shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
  indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
  musing: but for you—well, go to.

• Fenton. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
  for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if 555
  thou seest her before me, commend me.

• Hostess Quickly. Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
  worship more of the wart the next time we have
  confidence; and of other wooers.

• Fenton. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. 560

• Hostess Quickly. Farewell to your worship.
  [Exit FENTON]
  Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
  for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
  upon't! what have I forgot? 565

[Exit]