Act I, Scene 1

Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.

[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

• Robert Shallow. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
  chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
  Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

• Slender. In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and 5
  'Coram.'

• Robert Shallow. Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.

• Slender. Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
  master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
  bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.' 10

• Robert Shallow. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
  hundred years.

• Slender. All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
  all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
  give the dozen white luces in their coat. 15

• Robert Shallow. It is an old coat.

• Sir Hugh Evans. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
  it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
  man, and signifies love.

• Robert Shallow. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. 20

• Slender. I may quarter, coz.

• Robert Shallow. You may, by marrying.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

• Robert Shallow. Not a whit.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, 25
  there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
  simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
  John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
  you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
  benevolence to make atonements and compremises 30
  between you.

• Robert Shallow. The council shall bear it; it is a riot.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
  fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
  desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a 35
  riot; take your vizaments in that.

• Robert Shallow. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
  should end it.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
  and there is also another device in my prain, which 40
  peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
  is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
  Page, which is pretty virginity.

• Slender. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
  small like a woman. 45

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
  you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
  and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
  death's-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
  —give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years 50
  old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
  and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
  Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

• Slender. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

• Sir Hugh Evans. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. 55

• Slender. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

• Robert Shallow. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

• Sir Hugh Evans. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
  despise one that is false, or as I despise one that 60
  is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
  beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
  peat the door for Master Page.
  [Knocks]
  What, hoa! Got pless your house here! 65

• Page. [Within] Who's there?

[Enter PAGE]

• Sir Hugh Evans. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
  Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
  peradventures shall tell you another tale, if 70
  matters grow to your likings.

• Page. I am glad to see your worships well.
  I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

• Robert Shallow. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
  your good heart! I wished your venison better; it 75
  was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I
  thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

• Page. Sir, I thank you.

• Robert Shallow. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

• Page. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. 80

• Slender. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
  was outrun on Cotsall.

• Page. It could not be judged, sir.

• Slender. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

• Robert Shallow. That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault; 85
  'tis a good dog.

• Page. A cur, sir.

• Robert Shallow. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
  more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
  Falstaff here? 90

• Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
  office between you.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

• Robert Shallow. He hath wronged me, Master Page.

• Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. 95

• Robert Shallow. If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
  so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
  hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
  Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

• Page. Here comes Sir John. 100

[Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL]

• Falstaff. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?

• Robert Shallow. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
  broke open my lodge.

• Falstaff. But not kissed your keeper's daughter? 105

• Robert Shallow. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

• Falstaff. I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
  That is now answered.

• Robert Shallow. The council shall know this.

• Falstaff. 'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: 110
  you'll be laughed at.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

• Falstaff. Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
  head: what matter have you against me?

• Slender. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; 115
  and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
  Nym, and Pistol.

• Bardolph. You Banbury cheese!

• Slender. Ay, it is no matter.

• Pistol. How now, Mephostophilus! 120

• Slender. Ay, it is no matter.

• Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.

• Slender. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

• Sir Hugh Evans. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
  three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that 125
  is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
  myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
  lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

• Page. We three, to hear it and end it between them.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note- 130
  book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
  as great discreetly as we can.

• Falstaff. Pistol!

• Pistol. He hears with ears.

• Sir Hugh Evans. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He 135
  hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.

• Falstaff. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

• Slender. Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
  never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
  seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward 140
  shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
  pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

• Falstaff. Is this true, Pistol?

• Sir Hugh Evans. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

• Pistol. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine, 145
  I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
  Word of denial in thy labras here!
  Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

• Slender. By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

• Nym. Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say 150
  'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
  humour on me; that is the very note of it.

• Slender. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
  though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
  drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. 155

• Falstaff. What say you, Scarlet and John?

• Bardolph. Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
  himself out of his five sentences.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

• Bardolph. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and 160
  so conclusions passed the careires.

• Slender. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
  matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
  but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
  if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have 165
  the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

• Sir Hugh Evans. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

• Falstaff. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
  [Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD]
  and MISTRESS PAGE, following] 170

• Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

[Exit ANNE PAGE]

• Slender. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

• Page. How now, Mistress Ford!

• Falstaff. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: 175
  by your leave, good mistress.

[Kisses her]

• Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
  hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
  we shall drink down all unkindness. 180

[Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

• Slender. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
  Songs and Sonnets here.
  [Enter SIMPLE]
  How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait 185
  on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
  about you, have you?

• Simple. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
  Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
  afore Michaelmas? 190

• Robert Shallow. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
  you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
  tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
  here. Do you understand me?

• Slender. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, 195
  I shall do that that is reason.

• Robert Shallow. Nay, but understand me.

• Slender. So I do, sir.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
  description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. 200

• Slender. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
  you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
  country, simple though I stand here.

• Sir Hugh Evans. But that is not the question: the question is
  concerning your marriage. 205

• Robert Shallow. Ay, there's the point, sir.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

• Slender. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
  reasonable demands.

• Sir Hugh Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to 210
  know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
  philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
  mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
  good will to the maid?

• Robert Shallow. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? 215

• Slender. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
  would do reason.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
  possitable, if you can carry her your desires
  towards her. 220

• Robert Shallow. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

• Slender. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
  request, cousin, in any reason.

• Robert Shallow. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
  is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? 225

• Slender. I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
  be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
  decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
  married and have more occasion to know one another;
  I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: 230
  but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
  I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

• Sir Hugh Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
  the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
  meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good. 235

• Robert Shallow. Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

• Slender. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

• Robert Shallow. Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
  [Re-enter ANNE PAGE]
  Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne! 240

• Anne Page. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
  worships' company.

• Robert Shallow. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

[Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS]

• Anne Page. Will't please your worship to come in, sir?

• Slender. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

• Anne Page. The dinner attends you, sir.

• Slender. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
  sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my 250
  cousin Shallow.
  [Exit SIMPLE]
  A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
  friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
  yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I 255
  live like a poor gentleman born.

• Anne Page. I may not go in without your worship: they will not
  sit till you come.

• Slender. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
  though I did. 260

• Anne Page. I pray you, sir, walk in.

• Slender. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
  my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
  dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
  dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot 265
  abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
  dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?

• Anne Page. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

• Slender. I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
  it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see 270
  the bear loose, are you not?

• Anne Page. Ay, indeed, sir.

• Slender. That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
  Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
  the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so 275
  cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
  indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
  rough things.

[Re-enter PAGE]

• Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you. 280

• Slender. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

• Page. By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.

• Slender. Nay, pray you, lead the way.

• Page. Come on, sir.

• Slender. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. 285

• Anne Page. Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

• Slender. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
  You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

[Exeunt]