Act V, Scene 1

The same.

[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]

• Holofernes. Satis quod sufficit.

• Sir Nathaniel. I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner 1735
  have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without
  scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without
  impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-
  out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
  a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi- 1740
  nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

• Holofernes. Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
  discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
  ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
  behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is 1745
  too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
  were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

• Sir Nathaniel. A most singular and choice epithet.

[Draws out his table-book]

• Holofernes. He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer 1750
  than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
  fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
  point-devise companions; such rackers of
  orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
  say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,—d, 1755
  e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf;
  half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
  abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,—which he
  would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
  insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic. 1760

• Sir Nathaniel. Laus Deo, bene intelligo.

• Holofernes. Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
  'twill serve.

• Sir Nathaniel. Videsne quis venit?

• Holofernes. Video, et gaudeo. 1765

[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD]

• Don Adriano de Armado. Chirrah!

[To MOTH]

• Holofernes. Quare chirrah, not sirrah?

• Don Adriano de Armado. Men of peace, well encountered. 1770

• Holofernes. Most military sir, salutation.

• Moth. [Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast
  of languages, and stolen the scraps.

• Costard. O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words.
  I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word; 1775
  for thou art not so long by the head as
  honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
  swallowed than a flap-dragon.

• Moth. Peace! the peal begins.

• Don Adriano de Armado. [To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lettered? 1780

• Moth. Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a,
  b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

• Holofernes. Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

• Moth. Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

• Holofernes. Quis, quis, thou consonant? 1785

• Moth. The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
  the fifth, if I.

• Holofernes. I will repeat them,—a, e, i,—

• Moth. The sheep: the other two concludes it,—o, u.

• Don Adriano de Armado. Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet 1790
  touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
  home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

• Moth. Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.

• Holofernes. What is the figure? what is the figure?

• Moth. Horns. 1795

• Holofernes. Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

• Moth. Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about
  your infamy circum circa,—a gig of a cuckold's horn.

• Costard. An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst
  have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very 1800
  remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny
  purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an
  the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my
  bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me!
  Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' 1805
  ends, as they say.

• Holofernes. O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.

• Don Adriano de Armado. Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
  barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
  charge-house on the top of the mountain? 1810

• Holofernes. Or mons, the hill.

• Don Adriano de Armado. At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

• Holofernes. I do, sans question.

• Don Adriano de Armado. Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
  affection to congratulate the princess at her 1815
  pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
  rude multitude call the afternoon.

• Holofernes. The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
  liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
  the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do 1820
  assure you, sir, I do assure.

• Don Adriano de Armado. Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar,
  I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is
  inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee,
  remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy 1825
  head: and among other important and most serious
  designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let
  that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his
  grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor
  shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally 1830
  with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet
  heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
  fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his
  greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
  travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass. 1835
  The very all of all is,—but, sweet heart, I do
  implore secrecy,—that the king would have me
  present the princess, sweet chuck, with some
  delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or
  antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the 1840
  curate and your sweet self are good at such
  eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it
  were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to
  crave your assistance.

• Holofernes. Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. 1845
  Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
  show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by
  our assistants, at the king's command, and this most
  gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before
  the princess; I say none so fit as to present the 1850
  Nine Worthies.

• Sir Nathaniel. Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

• Holofernes. Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,
  Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
  limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the 1855
  page, Hercules,—

• Don Adriano de Armado. Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for
  that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

• Holofernes. Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in
  minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a 1860
  snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

• Moth. An excellent device! so, if any of the audience
  hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou
  crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an
  offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it. 1865

• Don Adriano de Armado. For the rest of the Worthies?—

• Holofernes. I will play three myself.

• Moth. Thrice-worthy gentleman!

• Don Adriano de Armado. Shall I tell you a thing?

• Holofernes. We attend. 1870

• Don Adriano de Armado. We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I
  beseech you, follow.

• Holofernes. Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

• Dull. Nor understood none neither, sir.

• Holofernes. Allons! we will employ thee. 1875

• Dull. I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
  On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

• Holofernes. Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

[Exeunt]