Act V, Scene 4

The forest

Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA

• Duke. Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
  Can do all this that he hath promised?

• Orlando. I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not:
  As those that fear they hope, and know they fear. 2405

Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE

• Rosalind. Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:
  You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
  You will bestow her on Orlando here?

• Duke. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her. 2410

• Rosalind. And you say you will have her when I bring her?

• Orlando. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

• Rosalind. You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?

• Phebe. That will I, should I die the hour after.

• Rosalind. But if you do refuse to marry me, 2415
  You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

• Phebe. So is the bargain.

• Rosalind. You say that you'll have Phebe, if she will?

• Silvius. Though to have her and death were both one thing.

• Rosalind. I have promis'd to make all this matter even. 2420
  Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter;
  You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;
  Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
  Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd;
  Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her 2425
  If she refuse me; and from hence I go,
  To make these doubts all even.

Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

• Duke. I do remember in this shepherd boy
  Some lively touches of my daughter's favour. 2430

• Orlando. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
  Methought he was a brother to your daughter.
  But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
  And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
  Of many desperate studies by his uncle, 2435
  Whom he reports to be a great magician,
  Obscured in the circle of this forest.

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

• Jaques (lord). There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are
  coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which 2440
  in all tongues are call'd fools.

• Touchstone. Salutation and greeting to you all!

• Jaques (lord). Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded
  gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a
  courtier, he swears. 2445

• Touchstone. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation.
  I have trod a measure; I have flatt'red a lady; I have been
  politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone
  three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought
  one. 2450

• Jaques (lord). And how was that ta'en up?

• Touchstone. Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
  seventh cause.

• Jaques (lord). How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.

• Duke. I like him very well. 2455

• Touchstone. God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in
  here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear
  and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A
  poor virgin, sir, an ill-favour'd thing, sir, but mine own; a
  poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that man else will. Rich 2460
  honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl
  in your foul oyster.

• Duke. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

• Touchstone. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet
  diseases. 2465

• Jaques (lord). But, for the seventh cause: how did you find the quarrel on
  the seventh cause?

• Touchstone. Upon a lie seven times removed- bear your body more
  seeming, Audrey- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain
  courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not 2470
  cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is call'd the Retort
  Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would
  send me word he cut it to please himself. This is call'd the Quip
  Modest. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment.
  This is call'd the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut, 2475
  he would answer I spake not true. This is call'd the Reproof
  Valiant. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This
  is call'd the Countercheck Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie
  Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

• Jaques (lord). And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut? 2480

• Touchstone. I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor
  he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measur'd swords
  and parted.

• Jaques (lord). Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

• Touchstone. O, sir, we quarrel in print by the book, as you have 2485
  books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first,
  the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the
  Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
  Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance;
  the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie 2490
  Direct; and you may avoid that too with an If. I knew when seven
  justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were
  met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as: 'If you
  said so, then I said so.' And they shook hands, and swore
  brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If. 2495

• Jaques (lord). Is not this a rare fellow, my lord?
  He's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.

• Duke. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the
  presentation of that he shoots his wit.
  [Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA. Still MUSIC] 2500
  HYMEN. Then is there mirth in heaven,
  When earthly things made even
  Atone together.
  Good Duke, receive thy daughter;
  Hymen from heaven brought her, 2505
  Yea, brought her hither,
  That thou mightst join her hand with his,
  Whose heart within his bosom is.

• Rosalind. [To DUKE] To you I give myself, for I am yours.
  [To ORLANDO] To you I give myself, for I am yours. 2510

• Duke. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

• Orlando. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

• Phebe. If sight and shape be true,
  Why then, my love adieu!

• Rosalind. I'll have no father, if you be not he; 2515
  I'll have no husband, if you be not he;
  Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

• Hymen. Peace, ho! I bar confusion;
  'Tis I must make conclusion
  Of these most strange events. 2520
  Here's eight that must take hands
  To join in Hymen's bands,
  If truth holds true contents.
  You and you no cross shall part;
  You and you are heart in heart; 2525
  You to his love must accord,
  Or have a woman to your lord;
  You and you are sure together,
  As the winter to foul weather.
  Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing, 2530
  Feed yourselves with questioning,
  That reason wonder may diminish,
  How thus we met, and these things finish.
  SONG
  Wedding is great Juno's crown; 2535
  O blessed bond of board and bed!
  'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
  High wedlock then be honoured.
  Honour, high honour, and renown,
  To Hymen, god of every town! 2540

• Duke. O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
  Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.

• Phebe. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
  Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
  Enter JAQUES DE BOYS 2545

• Jaques (son). Let me have audience for a word or two.
  I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
  That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
  Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
  Men of great worth resorted to this forest, 2550
  Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
  In his own conduct, purposely to take
  His brother here, and put him to the sword;
  And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,
  Where, meeting with an old religious man, 2555
  After some question with him, was converted
  Both from his enterprise and from the world;
  His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
  And all their lands restor'd to them again
  That were with him exil'd. This to be true 2560
  I do engage my life.

• Duke. Welcome, young man.
  Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
  To one, his lands withheld; and to the other,
  A land itself at large, a potent dukedom. 2565
  First, in this forest let us do those ends
  That here were well begun and well begot;
  And after, every of this happy number,
  That have endur'd shrewd days and nights with us,
  Shall share the good of our returned fortune, 2570
  According to the measure of their states.
  Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity,
  And fall into our rustic revelry.
  Play, music; and you brides and bridegrooms all,
  With measure heap'd in joy, to th' measures fall. 2575

• Jaques (lord). Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
  The Duke hath put on a religious life,
  And thrown into neglect the pompous court.

• Jaques (son). He hath.

• Jaques (lord). To him will I. Out of these convertites 2580
  There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.
  [To DUKE] You to your former honour I bequeath;
  Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.
  [To ORLANDO] You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
  [To OLIVER] You to your land, and love, and great allies 2585
  [To SILVIUS] You to a long and well-deserved bed;
  [To TOUCHSTONE] And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
  Is but for two months victuall'd.- So to your pleasures;
  I am for other than for dancing measures.

• Duke. Stay, Jaques, stay. 2590

• Jaques (lord). To see no pastime I. What you would have
  I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave. Exit

• Duke. Proceed, proceed. We will begin these rites,
  As we do trust they'll end, in true delights. [A dance] Exeunt EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE.

• Rosalind. It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but
  it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it
  be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play
  needs no epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes; and
  good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a 2600
  case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot
  insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
  furnish'd like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My
  way is to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I charge
  you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of 2605
  this play as please you; and I charge you, O men, for the love
  you bear to women- as I perceive by your simp'ring none of you
  hates them- that between you and the women the play may please.
  If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that
  pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me, and breaths that I defied 2610
  not; and, I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces,
  or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy,
  bid me farewell.

THE END