Act II, Scene 2

Rousillon. The COUNT’s palace.

[Enter COUNTESS and Clown]

• Countess. Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of 825
  your breeding.

• Clown. I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I
  know my business is but to the court.

• Countess. To the court! why, what place make you special,
  when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court! 830

• Clown. Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he
  may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make
  a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing,
  has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed
  such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the 835
  court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all
  men.

• Countess. Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all
  questions.

• Clown. It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks, 840
  the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn
  buttock, or any buttock.

• Countess. Will your answer serve fit to all questions?

• Clown. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney,
  as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's 845
  rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove
  Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his
  hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding queen
  to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the
  friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin. 850

• Countess. Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all
  questions?

• Clown. From below your duke to beneath your constable, it
  will fit any question.

• Countess. It must be an answer of most monstrous size that 855
  must fit all demands.

• Clown. But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned
  should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that
  belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall
  do you no harm to learn. 860

• Countess. To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in
  question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I
  pray you, sir, are you a courtier?

• Clown. O Lord, sir! There's a simple putting off. More,
  more, a hundred of them. 865

• Countess. Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.

• Clown. O Lord, sir! Thick, thick, spare not me.

• Countess. I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.

• Clown. O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.

• Countess. You were lately whipped, sir, as I think. 870

• Clown. O Lord, sir! spare not me.

• Countess. Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and
  'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very
  sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well
  to a whipping, if you were but bound to't. 875

• Clown. I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord,
  sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.

• Countess. I play the noble housewife with the time
  To entertain't so merrily with a fool.

• Clown. O Lord, sir! why, there't serves well again. 880

• Countess. An end, sir; to your business. Give Helen this,
  And urge her to a present answer back:
  Commend me to my kinsmen and my son:
  This is not much.

• Clown. Not much commendation to them. 885

• Countess. Not much employment for you: you understand me?

• Clown. Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs.

• Countess. Haste you again.

[Exeunt severally]