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Speeches (Lines) for Dromio of Ephesus
in "Comedy of Errors"

Total: 63

# Act, Scene, Line
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Speech text



Antipholus of Syracuse. He that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]
Here comes the almanac of my true date.
What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

Dromio of Ephesus. Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
You have no stomach having broke your fast;
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default to-day.



Antipholus of Syracuse. Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you?

Dromio of Ephesus. O,—sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.



Antipholus of Syracuse. I am not in a sportive humour now:
Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
So great a charge from thine own custody?

Dromio of Ephesus. I pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
For she will score your fault upon my pate.
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
And strike you home without a messenger.



Antipholus of Syracuse. Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

Dromio of Ephesus. To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.



Antipholus of Syracuse. Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

Dromio of Ephesus. My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
My mistress and her sister stays for you.



Antipholus of Syracuse. In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

Dromio of Ephesus. I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.



Antipholus of Syracuse. Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?

Dromio of Ephesus. Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.



Antipholus of Syracuse. What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

Dromio of Ephesus. What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.



Adriana. Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears
can witness.



Adriana. Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?

Dromio of Ephesus. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.



Luciana. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
understand them.



Adriana. But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
hath great care to please his wife.

Dromio of Ephesus. Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.



Adriana. Horn-mad, thou villain!

Dromio of Ephesus. I mean not cuckold-mad;
But, sure, he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
'Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'



Luciana. Quoth who?

Dromio of Ephesus. Quoth my master:
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.



Adriana. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

Dromio of Ephesus. Go back again, and be new beaten home?
For God's sake, send some other messenger.



Adriana. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.

Dromio of Ephesus. And he will bless that cross with other beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head.



Adriana. Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.

Dromio of Ephesus. Am I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

Dromio of Ephesus. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.



Antipholus of Ephesus. I think thou art an ass.

Dromio of Ephesus. Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

Dromio of Ephesus. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!



Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

Dromio of Ephesus. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street.



Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name
is Dromio.

Dromio of Ephesus. O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy
name for an ass.



Luce. [Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those
at the gate?

Dromio of Ephesus. Let my master in, Luce.



Luce. [Within] Faith, no; he comes too late;
And so tell your master.

Dromio of Ephesus. O Lord, I must laugh!
Have at you with a proverb—Shall I set in my staff?



Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] And you said no.

Dromio of Ephesus. So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.



Luce. [Within] Can you tell for whose sake?

Dromio of Ephesus. Master, knock the door hard.



Adriana. [Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

Dromio of Ephesus. If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.



Balthazar. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

Dromio of Ephesus. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.



Antipholus of Ephesus. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

Dromio of Ephesus. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.



Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
knave's pate.

Dromio of Ephesus. A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind,
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.



Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon
thee, hind!

Dromio of Ephesus. Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,
let me in.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.

Dromio of Ephesus. A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.



Antipholus of Ephesus. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

Dromio of Ephesus. I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

Dromio of Ephesus. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.



Antipholus of Ephesus. But where's the money?

Dromio of Ephesus. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

Dromio of Ephesus. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.



Antipholus of Ephesus. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

Dromio of Ephesus. To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.



Officer. Good sir, be patient.

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.



Officer. Good, now, hold thy tongue.

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

Dromio of Ephesus. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
your blows.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an

Dromio of Ephesus. I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.



(stage directions). [Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]

Dromio of Ephesus. Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the



Antipholus of Ephesus. Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

Dromio of Ephesus. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

Dromio of Ephesus. Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.



Antipholus of Ephesus. And did not she herself revile me there?

Dromio of Ephesus. Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

Dromio of Ephesus. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.



Antipholus of Ephesus. And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Dromio of Ephesus. In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.



Adriana. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

Dromio of Ephesus. Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;
But surely master, not a rag of money.



Luciana. And I am witness with her that she did.

Dromio of Ephesus. God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!



Adriana. I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

Dromio of Ephesus. And, gentle master, I received no gold;
But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.



Antipholus of Ephesus. O most unhappy strumpet!

Dromio of Ephesus. Master, I am here entered in bond for you.



Antipholus of Ephesus. Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

Dromio of Ephesus. Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:
cry 'The devil!'



Solinus. Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
If here you housed him, here he would have been;
If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly:
You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here
Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?

Dromio of Ephesus. Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.



Aegeon. Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman, Dromio?

Dromio of Ephesus. Within this hour I was his bondman sir,
But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:
Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.



Aegeon. I am sure you both of you remember me.

Dromio of Ephesus. Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;
For lately we were bound, as you are now
You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?



Aegeon. Dromio, nor thou?

Dromio of Ephesus. No, trust me, sir, nor I.



Aegeon. I am sure thou dost.

Dromio of Ephesus. Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a
man denies, you are now bound to believe him.



Dromio of Syracuse. I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

Dromio of Ephesus. I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.



Antipholus of Ephesus. I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,—

Dromio of Ephesus. And I with him.



Adriana. I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,
By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.

Dromio of Ephesus. No, none by me.



Dromio of Syracuse. There is a fat friend at your master's house,
That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner:
She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

Dromio of Ephesus. Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?



Dromio of Syracuse. Not I, sir; you are my elder.

Dromio of Ephesus. That's a question: how shall we try it?



Dromio of Syracuse. We'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother;
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.

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