Act III, Scene 1

A field near Frogmore.

[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]

• Sir Hugh Evans. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
  and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
  looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

• Simple. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
  way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town 1195
  way.

• Sir Hugh Evans. I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
  way.

• Simple. I will, sir.

[Exit]

• Sir Hugh Evans. 'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
  trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
  deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
  his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
  good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul! 1205
  [Sings]
  To shallow rivers, to whose falls
  Melodious birds sings madrigals;
  There will we make our peds of roses,
  And a thousand fragrant posies. 1210
  To shallow—
  Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
  [Sings]
  Melodious birds sing madrigals—
  When as I sat in Pabylon— 1215
  And a thousand vagram posies.
  To shallow &c.

[Re-enter SIMPLE]

• Simple. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.

• Sir Hugh Evans. He's welcome. 1220
  [Sings]
  To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
  Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?

• Simple. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
  Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over 1225
  the stile, this way.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

• Robert Shallow. How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
  Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student 1230
  from his book, and it is wonderful.

• Slender. [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!

• Page. 'Save you, good Sir Hugh!

• Sir Hugh Evans. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

• Robert Shallow. What, the sword and the word! do you study them 1235
  both, master parson?

• Page. And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
  raw rheumatic day!

• Sir Hugh Evans. There is reasons and causes for it.

• Page. We are come to you to do a good office, master parson. 1240

• Sir Hugh Evans. Fery well: what is it?

• Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
  having received wrong by some person, is at most
  odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
  saw. 1245

• Robert Shallow. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
  heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
  wide of his own respect.

• Sir Hugh Evans. What is he?

• Page. I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the 1250
  renowned French physician.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
  lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

• Page. Why?

• Sir Hugh Evans. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, 1255
  —and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
  would desires to be acquainted withal.

• Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

• Robert Shallow. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

• Robert Shallow. It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder: 1260
  here comes Doctor Caius.

[Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]

• Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

• Robert Shallow. So do you, good master doctor.

• Host. Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep 1265
  their limbs whole and hack our English.

• Doctor Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
  Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?

• Sir Hugh Evans. [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:
  in good time. 1270

• Doctor Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

• Sir Hugh Evans. [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be
  laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
  in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
  [Aloud] 1275
  I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
  for missing your meetings and appointments.

• Doctor Caius. Diable! Jack Rugby,—mine host de Jarteer,—have I
  not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
  I did appoint? 1280

• Sir Hugh Evans. As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
  place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
  the Garter.

• Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
  soul-curer and body-curer! 1285

• Doctor Caius. Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

• Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
  politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
  lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
  motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir 1290
  Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
  no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
  thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
  deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
  places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are 1295
  whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
  their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
  follow, follow, follow.

• Robert Shallow. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

• Slender. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page! 1300

[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]

• Doctor Caius. Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
  us, ha, ha?

• Sir Hugh Evans. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
  desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog 1305
  our prains together to be revenge on this same
  scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

• Doctor Caius. By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
  where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

• Sir Hugh Evans. Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow. 1310

[Exeunt]