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The Merry Wives of Windsor

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Act II, Scene 3

A field near Windsor.



  • Rugby. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. 1105
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
    has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
    Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
  • Rugby. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
    him, if he came. 1110
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
    Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
  • Rugby. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
  • Rugby. Forbear; here's company. 1115

[Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE]

  • Host. Bless thee, bully doctor!
  • Page. Now, good master doctor!
  • Slender. Give you good morrow, sir. 1120
  • Doctor Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
  • Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
    traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
    see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
    distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is 1125
    he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
    AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
    he dead, bully stale? is he dead?
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
    is not show his face. 1130
  • Host. Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!
  • Doctor Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
    seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
  • Robert Shallow. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
    souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should 1135
    fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
    Is it not true, Master Page?
  • Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
    fighter, though now a man of peace.
  • Robert Shallow. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of 1140
    the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
    make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
    churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
    youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
  • Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow. 1145
  • Robert Shallow. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
    Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
    the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
    physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
    and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor. 1150
  • Host. Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
  • Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
    Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me 1155
    vill cut his ears.
  • Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
  • Host. That is, he will make thee amends.
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; 1160
    for, by gar, me vill have it.
  • Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.
  • Host. And, moreover, bully,—but first, master guest, and
    Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you 1165
    through the town to Frogmore.

[Aside to them]

  • Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
  • Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
    bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? 1170
  • Page. [with Shallow and Slender] Adieu, good master doctor.


  • Doctor Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
    jack-an-ape to Anne Page. 1175
  • Host. Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
    water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
    through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
    Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
    shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well? 1180
  • Doctor Caius. By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
    and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
    de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
  • Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
    Page. Said I well? 1185
  • Host. Let us wag, then.