Open Source Shakespeare

History of Henry IV, Part II

Act II

Scene 1. London. A street

Scene 2. London. Another street

Scene 3. Warkworth. Before the castle

Scene 4. London. The Boar’s Head Tavern in Eastcheap

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Act II, Scene 1

London. A street


Enter HOSTESS with two officers, FANG and SNARE

  • Hostess Quickly. Master Fang, have you ent'red the action? 720
  • Fang. It is ent'red.
  • Hostess Quickly. Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? Will 'a
  • Fang. Sirrah, where's Snare? 725
  • Hostess Quickly. O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.
  • Snare. Here, here.
  • Fang. Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.
  • Hostess Quickly. Yea, good Master Snare; I have ent'red him and all.
  • Snare. It may chance cost some of our lives, for he will stab. 730
  • Hostess Quickly. Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd me in mine
    house, and that most beastly. In good faith, 'a cares not
    mischief he does, if his weapon be out; he will foin like any
    devil; he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.
  • Fang. If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
  • Hostess Quickly. No, nor I neither; I'll be at your elbow.
  • Fang. An I but fist him once; an 'a come but within my vice!
  • Hostess Quickly. I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an 740
    infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him
    Good Master Snare, let him not scape. 'A comes continuantly
    Pie-corner—saving your manhoods—to buy a saddle; and he is
    indited to dinner to the Lubber's Head in Lumbert Street, to
    Master Smooth's the silkman. I pray you, since my exion is 745
    ent'red, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
    brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a
    lone woman to bear; and I have borne, and borne, and borne;
    have been fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, from
    day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There 750
    honesty in such dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass
    a beast, to bear every knave's wrong.
    Yonder he comes; and that arrant malmsey-nose knave,
    with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master Fang and 755
    Master Snare; do me, do me, do me your offices.
  • Falstaff. How now! whose mare's dead? What's the matter? 765
  • Fang. Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.
  • Falstaff. Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the
    head. Throw the quean in the channel.
  • Hostess Quickly. Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the 770
    Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder!
    thou honeysuckle villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and
    King's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a honey-seed; a
    man-queller and a woman-queller.
  • Falstaff. Keep them off, Bardolph.
  • Fang. A rescue! a rescue!
  • Hostess Quickly. Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wot, wot 780
    thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue! do, thou hemp-seed!
  • Page. Away, you scullion! you rampallian! you fustilarian!
    I'll tickle your catastrophe.

Enter the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE and his men

  • Lord Chief Justice. What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!
  • Hostess Quickly. Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to
  • Lord Chief Justice. How now, Sir John! what, are you brawling here?
    Doth this become your place, your time, and business? 790
    You should have been well on your way to York.
    Stand from him, fellow; wherefore hang'st thou upon him?
  • Hostess Quickly. O My most worshipful lord, an't please your Grace, I
    poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
  • Lord Chief Justice. For what sum?
  • Hostess Quickly. It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all—all
    have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all
    substance into that fat belly of his. But I will have some of
    out again, or I will ride thee a nights like a mare. 800
  • Falstaff. I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any
    vantage of ground to get up. 805
  • Lord Chief Justice. How comes this, Sir John? Fie! What man of good
    temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not
    ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come
    her own?
  • Falstaff. What is the gross sum that I owe thee?
  • Hostess Quickly. Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
    too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet,
    my Dolphin chamber, at the round table, by a sea-coal fire,
    Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for 815
    liking his father to singing-man of Windsor—thou didst swear
    me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me
    lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech,
    butcher's wife, come in then and call me gossip Quickly?
    in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good 820
    prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told
    thee they were ill for green wound? And didst thou not, when
    was gone down stairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity
    such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me
    And didst thou not kiss me, and bid me fetch the thirty 825
    shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou
  • Falstaff. My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and
    down the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been 840
    good case, and, the truth is, poverty hath distracted her.
    for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have redress
    against them.
  • Lord Chief Justice. Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with
    manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a
    confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such
    than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level
    consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practis'd upon 850
    easy yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your
    both in purse and in person.
  • Hostess Quickly. Yea, in truth, my lord.
  • Lord Chief Justice. Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her,
    unpay the villainy you have done with her; the one you may do
    with sterling money, and the other with current repentance. 860
  • Falstaff. My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply.
    call honourable boldness impudent sauciness; if a man will
    curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my
    duty rememb'red, I will not be your suitor. I say to you I do 865
    desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty
    employment in the King's affairs.
  • Lord Chief Justice. You speak as having power to do wrong; but
    th' effect of your reputation, and satisfy the poor woman.
  • Falstaff. Come hither, hostess.


  • Lord Chief Justice. Now, Master Gower, what news?
  • Gower. The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
    Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells. [Gives a letter]
  • Falstaff. As I am a gentleman!
  • Hostess Quickly. Faith, you said so before. 880
  • Falstaff. As I am a gentleman! Come, no more words of it.
  • Hostess Quickly. By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to
    both my plate and the tapestry of my dining-chambers.
  • Falstaff. Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking; and for thy 885
    walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the
    the German hunting, in water-work, is worth a thousand of
    bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten
    if thou canst. Come, and 'twere not for thy humours, there's
    a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw the 890
    action. Come, thou must not be in this humour with me; dost
    know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.
  • Hostess Quickly. Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles;
    i' faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la!
  • Falstaff. Let it alone; I'll make other shift. You'll be a fool 900
  • Hostess Quickly. Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown.
    I hope you'll come to supper. you'll pay me all together?
  • Falstaff. Will I live? [To BARDOLPH] Go, with her, with her;
    on, hook on. 905
  • Hostess Quickly. Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?
  • Falstaff. No more words; let's have her.


  • Lord Chief Justice. I have heard better news. 910
  • Falstaff. What's the news, my lord?
  • Lord Chief Justice. Where lay the King to-night?
  • Gower. At Basingstoke, my lord.
  • Falstaff. I hope, my lord, all's well. What is the news, my
  • Lord Chief Justice. Come all his forces back?
  • Gower. No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
    Are march'd up to my Lord of Lancaster,
    Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.
  • Falstaff. Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord? 920
  • Lord Chief Justice. You shall have letters of me presently.
    Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.
  • Falstaff. My lord!
  • Lord Chief Justice. What's the matter?
  • Falstaff. Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner? 925
  • Gower. I must wait upon my good lord here, I thank you, good
  • Lord Chief Justice. Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you
    take soldiers up in counties as you go. 930
  • Falstaff. Will you sup with me, Master Gower?
  • Lord Chief Justice. What foolish master taught you these manners,
  • Falstaff. Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
    taught them me. This is the right fencing grace, my lord; tap
    tap, and so part fair.
  • Lord Chief Justice. Now, the Lord lighten thee! Thou art a great



Act II, Scene 2

London. Another street



  • Henry V. Before God, I am exceeding weary. 945
  • Edward Poins. Is't come to that? I had thought weariness durst not
    attach'd one of so high blood.
  • Henry V. Faith, it does me; though it discolours the complexion
    my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me 950
    desire small beer?
  • Edward Poins. Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to
    remember so weak a composition. 955
  • Henry V. Belike then my appetite was not-princely got; for, by
    troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. But
    indeed these humble considerations make me out of love with
    greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name,
    to know thy face to-morrow, or to take note how many pair of 960
    stockings thou hast—viz., these, and those that were thy
    peach-colour'd ones—or to bear the inventory of thy shirts-
    one for superfluity, and another for use! But that the
    tennis-court-keeper knows better than I; for it is a low ebb
    linen with thee when thou keepest not racket there; as thou 965
    not done a great while, because the rest of thy low countries
    have made a shift to eat up thy holland. And God knows
    those that bawl out of the ruins of thy linen shall inherit
    kingdom; but the midwives say the children are not in the
    whereupon the world increases, and kindreds are mightily 970
  • Edward Poins. How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard, you
    should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes
    do so, their fathers being so sick as yours at this time is?
  • Henry V. Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?
  • Edward Poins. Yes, faith; and let it be an excellent good thing.
  • Henry V. It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than
  • Edward Poins. Go to; I stand the push of your one thing that you will 990
  • Henry V. Marry, I tell thee it is not meet that I should be sad,
    my father is sick; albeit I could tell to thee—as to one it
    pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend—I could
    sad and sad indeed too. 995
  • Edward Poins. Very hardly upon such a subject.
  • Henry V. By this hand, thou thinkest me as far in the devil's
    as thou and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency: let the 1000
    try the man. But I tell thee my heart bleeds inwardly that my
    father is so sick; and keeping such vile company as thou art
    in reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.
  • Edward Poins. The reason?
  • Henry V. What wouldst thou think of me if I should weep?
  • Edward Poins. I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.
  • Henry V. It would be every man's thought; and thou art a blessed 1010
    fellow to think as every man thinks. Never a man's thought in
    world keeps the road-way better than thine. Every man would
    me an hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most worshipful
    thought to think so?
  • Edward Poins. Why, because you have been so lewd and so much engraffed
  • Henry V. And to thee. 1020
  • Edward Poins. By this light, I am well spoke on; I can hear it with
    own ears. The worst that they can say of me is that I am a
    brother and that I am a proper fellow of my hands; and those
    things, I confess, I cannot help. By the mass, here comes
    Bardolph. 1025


  • Henry V. And the boy that I gave Falstaff. 'A had him from me 1030
    Christian; and look if the fat villain have not transform'd
  • Bardolph. God save your Grace!
  • Henry V. And yours, most noble Bardolph! 1035
  • Edward Poins. Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you be
    blushing? Wherefore blush you now? What a maidenly
    are you become! Is't such a matter to get a pottle-pot's
  • Page. 'A calls me e'en now, my lord, through a red lattice, and
    could discern no part of his face from the window. At last I
    spied his eyes; and methought he had made two holes in the
    alewife's new petticoat, and so peep'd through.
  • Henry V. Has not the boy profited?
  • Bardolph. Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!
  • Page. Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away!
  • Henry V. Instruct us, boy; what dream, boy?
  • Page. Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamt she was delivered of a 1050
    firebrand; and therefore I call him her dream.
  • Henry V. A crown's worth of good interpretation. There 'tis,

[Giving a crown]

  • Edward Poins. O that this blossom could be kept from cankers! 1055
    Well, there is sixpence to preserve thee.
  • Bardolph. An you do not make him be hang'd among you, the
    shall have wrong.
  • Henry V. And how doth thy master, Bardolph? 1060
  • Bardolph. Well, my lord. He heard of your Grace's coming to
    There's a letter for you.
  • Edward Poins. Deliver'd with good respect. And how doth the martlemas,
    your master? 1065
  • Bardolph. In bodily health, sir.
  • Edward Poins. Marry, the immortal part needs a physician; but that
    not him. Though that be sick, it dies not.
  • Henry V. I do allow this well to be as familiar with me as my 1070
    and he holds his place, for look you how he writes.
  • Edward Poins. [Reads] 'John Falstaff, knight'—Every man must know
    as oft as he has occasion to name himself, even like those
    are kin to the King; for they never prick their finger but 1075
    say 'There's some of the King's blood spilt.' 'How comes
    says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as
    ready as a borrower's cap: 'I am the King's poor cousin,
  • Henry V. Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from
    Japhet. But the letter: [Reads] 'Sir John Falstaff, knight, 1085
    the son of the King nearest his father, Harry Prince of
  • Edward Poins. Why, this is a certificate. 1090
  • Henry V. Peace! [Reads] 'I will imitate the honourable Romans
  • Edward Poins. He sure means brevity in breath, short-winded.
  • Henry V. [Reads] 'I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I 1095
    leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins; for he misuses
    favours so much that he swears thou art to marry his sister
    Repent at idle times as thou mayst, and so farewell.
    Thine, by yea and no—which is as much as to say as
    thou usest him—JACK FALSTAFF with my familiars, 1100
    JOHN with my brothers and sisters, and SIR JOHN with
    all Europe.'
  • Edward Poins. My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat 1105
  • Henry V. That's to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you
    me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?
  • Edward Poins. God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never said 1110
  • Henry V. Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the
    of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us. Is your master
  • Bardolph. Yea, my lord.
  • Henry V. Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old frank?
  • Bardolph. At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
  • Henry V. What company? 1120
  • Page. Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
  • Henry V. Sup any women with him?
  • Page. None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll
  • Henry V. What pagan may that be? 1125
  • Page. A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my
  • Henry V. Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town
    Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
  • Edward Poins. I am your shadow, my lord; I'll follow you.
  • Henry V. Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master
    I am yet come to town. There's for your silence.
  • Bardolph. I have no tongue, sir. 1135
  • Page. And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
  • Henry V. Fare you well; go. Exeunt BARDOLPH and PAGE
    This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
  • Edward Poins. I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Albans
    London. 1140
  • Henry V. How might we see Falstaff bestow himself to-night in
    true colours, and not ourselves be seen?
  • Edward Poins. Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon 1145
    his table as drawers.
  • Henry V. From a god to a bull? A heavy descension! It was Jove's
    case. From a prince to a prentice? A low transformation! That
    shall be mine; for in everything the purpose must weigh with 1150
    folly. Follow me, Ned.



Act II, Scene 3

Warkworth. Before the castle



  • Earl of Northumberland. I pray thee, loving wife, and gentle daughter, 1155
    Give even way unto my rough affairs;
    Put not you on the visage of the times
    And be, like them, to Percy troublesome.
  • Lady Northumberland. I have given over, I will speak no more.
    Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide. 1160
  • Earl of Northumberland. Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn;
    And but my going nothing can redeem it.
  • Lady Percy. O, yet, for God's sake, go not to these wars!
    The time was, father, that you broke your word,
    When you were more endear'd to it than now; 1165
    When your own Percy, when my heart's dear Harry,
    Threw many a northward look to see his father
    Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.
    Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
    There were two honours lost, yours and your son's. 1170
    For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!
    For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
    In the grey vault of heaven; and by his light
    Did all the chivalry of England move
    To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass 1175
    Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves.
    He had no legs that practis'd not his gait;
    And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
    Became the accents of the valiant;
    For those who could speak low and tardily 1180
    Would turn their own perfection to abuse
    To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
    In diet, in affections of delight,
    In military rules, humours of blood,
    He was the mark and glass, copy and book, 1185
    That fashion'd others. And him—O wondrous him!
    O miracle of men!—him did you leave—
    Second to none, unseconded by you—
    To look upon the hideous god of war
    In disadvantage, to abide a field 1190
    Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur's name
    Did seem defensible. So you left him.
    Never, O never, do his ghost the wrong
    To hold your honour more precise and nice
    With others than with him! Let them alone. 1195
    The Marshal and the Archbishop are strong.
    Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
    To-day might I, hanging on Hotspur's neck,
    Have talk'd of Monmouth's grave.
  • Earl of Northumberland. Beshrew your heart, 1200
    Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
    With new lamenting ancient oversights.
    But I must go and meet with danger there,
    Or it will seek me in another place,
    And find me worse provided. 1205
  • Lady Northumberland. O, fly to Scotland
    Till that the nobles and the armed commons
    Have of their puissance made a little taste.
  • Lady Percy. If they get ground and vantage of the King,
    Then join you with them, like a rib of steel, 1210
    To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,
    First let them try themselves. So did your son;
    He was so suff'red; so came I a widow;
    And never shall have length of life enough
    To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes, 1215
    That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
    For recordation to my noble husband.
  • Earl of Northumberland. Come, come, go in with me. 'Tis with my mind
    As with the tide swell'd up unto his height,
    That makes a still-stand, running neither way. 1220
    Fain would I go to meet the Archbishop,
    But many thousand reasons hold me back.
    I will resolve for Scotland. There am I,
    Till time and vantage crave my company. Exeunt


Act II, Scene 4

London. The Boar’s Head Tavern in Eastcheap


Enter FRANCIS and another DRAWER

  • Francis. What the devil hast thou brought there-apple-johns?
    knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.
  • Second Drawer. Mass, thou say'st true. The Prince once set a
    of apple-johns before him, and told him there were five more 1230
    Johns; and, putting off his hat, said 'I will now take my
    of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.' It ang'red
    to the heart; but he hath forgot that.
  • Francis. Why, then, cover and set them down; and see if thou
    find out Sneak's noise; Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear
    music. 1240

Enter third DRAWER

  • Third Drawer. Dispatch! The room where they supp'd is too hot;
    they'll come in straight. 1245
  • Francis. Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon;
    they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons; and Sir John
    not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.
  • Third Drawer. By the mass, here will be old uds; it will be an
    excellent stratagem.
  • Second Drawer. I'll see if I can find out Sneak.

Exeunt second and third DRAWERS


  • Hostess Quickly. I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
    good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
    would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as
    rose, in good truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too
    canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it 1260
    the blood ere one can say 'What's this?' How do you now?
  • Doll Tearsheet. Better than I was—hem.
  • Hostess Quickly. Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold.
    Lo, here comes Sir John.


  • Falstaff. [Singing] 'When Arthur first in court'—Empty the
    Jordan. [Exit FRANCIS][Singing] 'And was a worthy king'—
    now, Mistress Doll!
  • Hostess Quickly. Sick of a calm; yea, good faith. 1275
  • Falstaff. So is all her sect; and they be once in a calm, they
  • Doll Tearsheet. A pox damn you, you muddy rascal! Is that all the comfort
    give me? 1280
  • Falstaff. You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.
  • Doll Tearsheet. I make them! Gluttony and diseases make them: I make them
  • Falstaff. If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to 1285
    the diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you;
    that, my poor virtue, grant that.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels. 1290
  • Falstaff. 'Your brooches, pearls, and ouches.' For to serve
    is to come halting off; you know, to come off the breach with
    pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon
    charg'd chambers bravely—
  • Doll Tearsheet. Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!
  • Hostess Quickly. By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never
    but you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as 1300
    rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with
    confirmities. What the good-year! one must bear, and that
    you. You are the weaker vessel, as as they say, the emptier
  • Doll Tearsheet. Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogs-head?
    There's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him;
    have not seen a hulk better stuff'd in the hold. Come, I'll 1310
    friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the wars; and
    I shall ever see thee again or no, there is nobody cares.

Re-enter FRANCIS

  • Francis. Sir, Ancient Pistol's below and would speak with you.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither; it
    the foul-mouth'dst rogue in England.
  • Hostess Quickly. If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith!
    must live among my neighbours; I'll no swaggerers. I am in
    name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There comes
    swaggerers here; I have not liv'd all this while to have
    swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you. 1325
  • Falstaff. Dost thou hear, hostess?
  • Hostess Quickly. Pray ye, pacify yourself, Sir John; there comes no 1330
    swaggerers here.
  • Falstaff. Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.
  • Hostess Quickly. Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er tell me; and your ancient
    swagg'rer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick,
    debuty, t' other day; and, as he said to me—'twas no longer 1335
    than Wednesday last, i' good faith!—'Neighbour Quickly,'
    he—Master Dumbe, our minister, was by then—'Neighbour
    says he 'receive those that are civil, for' said he 'you are
    an ill name.' Now 'a said so, I can tell whereupon. 'For'
    'you are an honest woman and well thought on, therefore take 1340
    what guests you receive. Receive' says he 'no swaggering
    companions.' There comes none here. You would bless you to
    what he said. No, I'll no swagg'rers.
  • Falstaff. He's no swagg'rer, hostess; a tame cheater, i' faith;
    may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He'll not
    with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of
    resistance. Call him up, drawer. 1355


  • Hostess Quickly. Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my
    nor no cheater; but I do not love swaggering, by my troth. I 1360
    the worse when one says 'swagger.' Feel, masters, how I
    look you, I warrant you.
  • Doll Tearsheet. So you do, hostess.
  • Hostess Quickly. Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen
    cannot abide swagg'rers.


  • Pistol. God save you, Sir John!
  • Falstaff. Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you
    a cup of sack; do you discharge upon mine hostess.
  • Pistol. I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets. 1375
  • Falstaff. She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall not hardly offend
  • Hostess Quickly. Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I'll drink
    more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure, I.
  • Pistol. Then to you, Mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What! you poor,
    base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
    rogue, away! I am meat for your master.
  • Pistol. I know you, Mistress Dorothy. 1385
  • Doll Tearsheet. Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! By
    wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play
    saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you
    basket-hilt stale juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir?
    God's light, with two points on your shoulder? Much! 1390
  • Pistol. God let me not live but I will murder your ruff for
  • Falstaff. No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here. 1395
    Discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.
  • Hostess Quickly. No, good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Captain! Thou abominable damn'd cheater, art thou not
    to be called captain? An captains were of my mind, they would
    truncheon you out, for taking their names upon you before you 1400
    have earn'd them. You a captain! you slave, for what? For
    a poor whore's ruff in a bawdy-house? He a captain! hang him,
    rogue! He lives upon mouldy stew'd prunes and dried cakes. A
    captain! God's light, these villains will make the word as
    as the word 'occupy'; which was an excellent good word before 1405
    was ill sorted. Therefore captains had need look to't.
  • Bardolph. Pray thee go down, good ancient.
  • Falstaff. Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.
  • Pistol. Not I! I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could
    her; I'll be reveng'd of her.
  • Page. Pray thee go down.
  • Pistol. I'll see her damn'd first; to Pluto's damn'd lake, by
    hand, to th' infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile
    Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! down, faitors!
    we not Hiren here? 1420
  • Hostess Quickly. Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis very late, i'
    beseek you now, aggravate your choler. 1425
  • Pistol. These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses,
    And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia,
    Which cannot go but thirty mile a day,
    Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals, 1430
    And Troiant Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with
    King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar.
    Shall we fall foul for toys?
  • Hostess Quickly. By my troth, Captain, these are very bitter words.
  • Bardolph. Be gone, good ancient; this will grow to a brawl 1435
  • Pistol. Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
  • Hostess Quickly. O' my word, Captain, there's none such here. What the 1440
    good-year! do you think I would deny her? For God's sake, be
  • Pistol. Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis.
    Come, give's some sack.
    'Si fortune me tormente sperato me contento.' 1445
    Fear we broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire.
    Give me some sack; and, sweetheart, lie thou there.
    [Laying down his sword]
    Come we to full points here, and are etceteras nothings?
  • Falstaff. Pistol, I would be quiet. 1450
  • Pistol. Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What! we have seen the
  • Doll Tearsheet. For God's sake thrust him down stairs; I cannot endure
    fustian rascal. 1455
  • Pistol. Thrust him down stairs! Know we not Galloway nags?
  • Falstaff. Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat
    Nay, an 'a do nothing but speak nothing, 'a shall be nothing
    here. 1460
  • Bardolph. Come, get you down stairs.
  • Pistol. What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?
    [Snatching up his sword]
    Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days! 1465
    Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
    Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say!
  • Hostess Quickly. Here's goodly stuff toward!
  • Falstaff. Give me my rapier, boy.
  • Doll Tearsheet. I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw. 1470
  • Falstaff. Get you down stairs.

[Drawing and driving PISTOL out]

  • Hostess Quickly. Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping house
    I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant
    Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked 1475


  • Doll Tearsheet. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal's gone. Ah, you 1480
    whoreson little valiant villain, you!
  • Hostess Quickly. Are you not hurt i' th' groin? Methought 'a made a
    thrust at your belly.


  • Falstaff. Have you turn'd him out a doors?
  • Bardolph. Yea, sir. The rascal's drunk. You have hurt him, sir,
    th' shoulder.
  • Falstaff. A rascal! to brave me! 1490
  • Doll Tearsheet. Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou
    sweat'st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you whoreson
    chops. Ah, rogue! i' faith, I love thee. Thou art as valorous
    Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better
    than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain! 1495
  • Falstaff. A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Do, an thou dar'st for thy heart. An thou dost, I'll
    thee between a pair of sheets.

Enter musicians

  • Page. The music is come, sir.
  • Falstaff. Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Don. A
    bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quick-silver.
  • Doll Tearsheet. I' faith, and thou follow'dst him like a church. Thou
    whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou
    fighting a days and foining a nights, and begin to patch up
    old body for heaven?
    Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS disguised as drawers 1510
  • Falstaff. Peace, good Doll! Do not speak like a death's-head;
    not bid me remember mine end.
  • Doll Tearsheet. Sirrah, what humour's the Prince of?
  • Falstaff. A good shallow young fellow. 'A would have made a
    pantler; 'a would ha' chipp'd bread well.
  • Doll Tearsheet. They say Poins has a good wit. 1520
  • Falstaff. He a good wit! hang him, baboon! His wit's as thick
    Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in him than is in
  • Doll Tearsheet. Why does the Prince love him so, then?
  • Falstaff. Because their legs are both of a bigness, and 'a
    quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off
    ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with the boys,
    jumps upon join'd-stools, and swears with a good grace, and 1530
    his boots very smooth, like unto the sign of the Leg, and
    no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such other
    faculties 'a has, that show a weak mind and an able body, for
    which the Prince admits him. For the Prince himself is such
    another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between 1535
  • Henry V. Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off? 1545
  • Edward Poins. Let's beat him before his whore.
  • Henry V. Look whe'er the wither'd elder hath not his poll claw'd
    like a parrot.
  • Edward Poins. Is it not strange that desire should so many years
    performance? 1550
  • Falstaff. Kiss me, Doll.
  • Henry V. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says
    almanac to that?
  • Edward Poins. And look whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not
    to his master's old tables, his note-book, his
  • Falstaff. Thou dost give me flattering busses. 1560
  • Doll Tearsheet. By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.
  • Falstaff. I am old, I am old.
  • Doll Tearsheet. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of
    them all.
  • Falstaff. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive 1565
    Thursday. Shalt have a cap to-morrow. A merry song, come. 'A
    grows late; we'll to bed. Thou't forget me when I am gone.
  • Doll Tearsheet. By my troth, thou't set me a-weeping, an thou say'st so.
    Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. 1570
    hearken a' th' end.
  • Falstaff. Some sack, Francis.
  • Henry V. [with POINS:] Anon, anon, sir. [Advancing]
  • Falstaff. Ha! a bastard son of the King's? And art thou not 1575
    his brother?
  • Henry V. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost
  • Falstaff. A better than thou. I am a gentleman: thou art a
  • Henry V. Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.
  • Hostess Quickly. O, the Lord preserve thy Grace! By my troth, welcome
    London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O Jesu, are you come from Wales? 1585
  • Falstaff. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light
    flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

[Leaning his band upon DOLL]

  • Doll Tearsheet. How, you fat fool! I scorn you. 1590
  • Edward Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn
    to a merriment, if you take not the heat.
  • Henry V. YOU whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak
    me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman! 1595
  • Hostess Quickly. God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by
  • Falstaff. Didst thou hear me? 1600
  • Henry V. Yea; and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by
    Gadshill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on
    try my patience.
  • Falstaff. No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within 1605
  • Henry V. I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse, and
    then I know how to handle you.
  • Falstaff. No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour; no abuse.
  • Henry V. Not to dispraise me, and call me pander, and 1610
    bread-chipper, and I know not what!
  • Falstaff. No abuse, Hal.
  • Edward Poins. No abuse!
  • Falstaff. No abuse, Ned, i' th' world; honest Ned, none. I
    disprais'd him before the wicked—that the wicked might not 1615
    in love with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a
    careful friend and a true subject; and thy father is to give
    thanks for it. No abuse, Hal; none, Ned, none; no, faith,
  • Henry V. See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth
    make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us?
    she of the wicked? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is 1625
    boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in
    nose, of the wicked?
  • Edward Poins. Answer, thou dead elm, answer.
  • Falstaff. The fiend hath prick'd down Bardolph irrecoverable;
    his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he doth nothing
    roast malt-worms. For the boy—there is a good angel about 1635
    but the devil outbids him too.
  • Henry V. For the women? 1640
  • Falstaff. For one of them—she's in hell already, and burns
    souls. For th' other—I owe her money; and whether she be
    for that, I know not.
  • Hostess Quickly. No, I warrant you.
  • Falstaff. No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for
    Marry, there is another indictment upon thee for suffering
    to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law; for the which
    think thou wilt howl. 1650
  • Hostess Quickly. All vict'lers do so. What's a joint of mutton or two
    whole Lent? 1655
  • Henry V. You, gentlewoman—
  • Doll Tearsheet. What says your Grace?
  • Falstaff. His Grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

[Knocking within]

  • Hostess Quickly. Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there,

Enter PETO

  • Henry V. Peto, how now! What news?
  • Peto. The King your father is at Westminster; 1665
    And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
    Come from the north; and as I came along
    I met and overtook a dozen captains,
    Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
    And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff. 1670
  • Henry V. By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame
    So idly to profane the precious time,
    When tempest of commotion, like the south,
    Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
    And drop upon our bare unarmed heads. 1675
    Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.


  • Falstaff. Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we
    must hence, and leave it unpick'd. [Knocking within] More
    knocking at the door! 1680
    [Re-enter BARDOLPH]
    How now! What's the matter?
  • Bardolph. You must away to court, sir, presently;
    A dozen captains stay at door for you.
  • Falstaff. [To the PAGE]. Pay the musicians, sirrah.—Farewell, 1685
    hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of
    merit are sought after; the undeserver may sleep, when the
    action is call'd on. Farewell, good wenches. If I be not sent
    away post, I will see you again ere I go.
  • Doll Tearsheet. I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst!
    Well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
  • Falstaff. Farewell, farewell.


  • Hostess Quickly. Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these 1695
    years, come peascod-time; but an honester and truer-hearted
  • Bardolph. [Within] Mistress Tearsheet!
  • Hostess Quickly. What's the matter? 1700
  • Bardolph. [Within] Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.
  • Hostess Quickly. O, run Doll, run, run, good Come. [To BARDOLPH] She
    comes blubber'd.—Yea, will you come, Doll? Exeunt