Act II, Scene 2

The highway, near Gadshill.

[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]

• Edward Poins. Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
  horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

• Henry V. Stand close.

[Enter FALSTAFF]

• Falstaff. Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins! 745

• Henry V. Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
  thou keep!

• Falstaff. Where's Poins, Hal?

• Henry V. He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.

• Falstaff. I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the 750
  rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know
  not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
  further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
  not but to die a fair death for all this, if I
  'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have 755
  forsworn his company hourly any time this two and
  twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the
  rogue's company. If the rascal hath not given me
  medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it
  could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! 760
  Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto!
  I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere
  not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to
  leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that
  ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven 765
  ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me;
  and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough:
  a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another!
  [They whistle]
  Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you 770
  rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!

• Henry V. Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
  to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
  of travellers.

• Falstaff. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 775
  'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
  again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
  What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

• Henry V. Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

• Falstaff. I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, 780
  good king's son.

• Henry V. Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?

• Falstaff. Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
  garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
  have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy 785
  tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest
  is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.

[Enter Gadshill, BARDOLPH and PETO]

• Gadshill. Stand.

• Falstaff. So I do, against my will. 790

• Edward Poins. O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph,
  what news?
  money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
  to the king's exchequer.

• Falstaff. You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.

• Gadshill. There's enough to make us all.

• Falstaff. To be hanged.

• Henry V. Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
  Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape 800
  from your encounter, then they light on us.

• Peto. How many be there of them?

• Gadshill. Some eight or ten.

• Falstaff. 'Zounds, will they not rob us?

• Henry V. What, a coward, Sir John Paunch? 805

• Falstaff. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
  but yet no coward, Hal.

• Henry V. Well, we leave that to the proof.

• Edward Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
  when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. 810
  Farewell, and stand fast.

• Falstaff. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

• Henry V. Ned, where are our disguises?

• Edward Poins. Here, hard by: stand close.

[Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and POINS]

• Falstaff. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
  every man to his business.

[Enter the Travellers]

• First Traveller. Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down
  the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs. 820

• Thieves. Stand!

• Travellers. Jesus bless us!

• Falstaff. Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
  ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they
  hate us youth: down with them: fleece them. 825

• Travellers. O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

• Falstaff. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye
  fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
  bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live.
  You are Grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith. 830

[Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt]

[Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]

• Henry V. The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
  and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
  would be argument for a week, laughter for a month 835
  and a good jest for ever.

• Edward Poins. Stand close; I hear them coming.

[Enter the Thieves again]

• Falstaff. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
  before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two 840
  arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
  no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.

• Henry V. Your money!

• Edward Poins. Villains!
  [As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon 845
  them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow
  or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them]

• Henry V. Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
  The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
  So strongly that they dare not meet each other; 850
  Each takes his fellow for an officer.
  Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
  And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
  Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.

• Edward Poins. How the rogue roar'd! 855

[Exeunt]