Speeches (Lines) for Patroclus
in "Troilus and Cressida"
Total: 37

1

II,1,947

Thersites. No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.

Patroclus. Good words, Thersites.

2

II,1,970

Thersites. 'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
afterwards.

Patroclus. No more words, Thersites; peace!

3

II,1,977

(stage directions). [Exit]

Patroclus. A good riddance.

4

II,3,1238

(stage directions). [Enter PATROCLUS]

Patroclus. Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and rail.

5

II,3,1249

Thersites. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but
it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common
curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in
great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and
discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee
out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and
sworn upon't she never shrouded any but lazars.
Amen. Where's Achilles?

Patroclus. What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer?

6

II,3,1253

Achilles. Who's there?

Patroclus. Thersites, my lord.

7

II,3,1259

Thersites. Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
what's Achilles?

Patroclus. Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee,
what's thyself?

8

II,3,1263

Thersites. Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
what art thou?

Patroclus. Thou mayst tell that knowest.

9

II,3,1268

Thersites. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus'
knower, and Patroclus is a fool.

Patroclus. You rascal!

10

II,3,1278

Thersites. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon;
Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and
Patroclus is a fool positive.

Patroclus. Why am I a fool?

11

II,3,1292

Agamemnon. Where is Achilles?

Patroclus. Within his tent; but ill disposed, my lord.

12

II,3,1299

Agamemnon. Let it be known to him that we are here.
He shent our messengers; and we lay by
Our appertainments, visiting of him:
Let him be told so; lest perchance he think
We dare not move the question of our place,
Or know not what we are.

Patroclus. I shall say so to him.

13

II,3,1324

Ulysses. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy:
his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure.

Patroclus. Achilles bids me say, he is much sorry,
If any thing more than your sport and pleasure
Did move your greatness and this noble state
To call upon him; he hopes it is no other
But for your health and your digestion sake,
And after-dinner's breath.

14

II,3,1358

Agamemnon. Hear you, Patroclus:
We are too well acquainted with these answers:
But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
Cannot outfly our apprehensions.
Much attribute he hath, and much the reason
Why we ascribe it to him; yet all his virtues,
Not virtuously on his own part beheld,
Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss,
Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,
Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him,
We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin,
If you do say we think him over-proud
And under-honest, in self-assumption greater
Than in the note of judgment; and worthier
than himself
Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on,
Disguise the holy strength of their command,
And underwrite in an observing kind
His humorous predominance; yea, watch
His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if
The passage and whole carriage of this action
Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and add,
That if he overhold his price so much,
We'll none of him; but let him, like an engine
Not portable, lie under this report:
'Bring action hither, this cannot go to war:
A stirring dwarf we do allowance give
Before a sleeping giant.' Tell him so.

Patroclus. I shall; and bring his answer presently.

15

III,3,1942

Achilles. What mean these fellows? Know they not Achilles?

Patroclus. They pass by strangely: they were used to bend
To send their smiles before them to Achilles;
To come as humbly as they used to creep
To holy altars.

16

III,3,2097

(stage directions). [Exit]

Patroclus. To this effect, Achilles, have I moved you:
A woman impudent and mannish grown
Is not more loathed than an effeminate man
In time of action. I stand condemn'd for this;
They think my little stomach to the war
And your great love to me restrains you thus:
Sweet, rouse yourself; and the weak wanton Cupid
Shall from your neck unloose his amorous fold,
And, like a dew-drop from the lion's mane,
Be shook to air.

17

III,3,2108

Achilles. Shall Ajax fight with Hector?

Patroclus. Ay, and perhaps receive much honour by him.

18

III,3,2111

Achilles. I see my reputation is at stake
My fame is shrewdly gored.

Patroclus. O, then, beware;
Those wounds heal ill that men do give themselves:
Omission to do what is necessary
Seals a commission to a blank of danger;
And danger, like an ague, subtly taints
Even then when we sit idly in the sun.

19

III,3,2163

Achilles. To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the
valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector
to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure
safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous
and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured
captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon,
et cetera. Do this.

Patroclus. Jove bless great Ajax!

20

III,3,2165

Thersites. Hum!

Patroclus. I come from the worthy Achilles,—

21

III,3,2167

Thersites. Ha!

Patroclus. Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,—

22

III,3,2169

Thersites. Hum!

Patroclus. And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.

23

III,3,2171

Thersites. Agamemnon!

Patroclus. Ay, my lord.

24

III,3,2173

Thersites. Ha!

Patroclus. What say you to't?

25

III,3,2175

Thersites. God b' wi' you, with all my heart.

Patroclus. Your answer, sir.

26

III,3,2179

Thersites. If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me
ere he has me.

Patroclus. Your answer, sir.

27

IV,5,2626

Menelaus. I had good argument for kissing once.

Patroclus. But that's no argument for kissing now;
For this popp'd Paris in his hardiment,
And parted thus you and your argument.

28

IV,5,2631

Ulysses. O deadly gall, and theme of all our scorns!
For which we lose our heads to gild his horns.

Patroclus. The first was Menelaus' kiss; this, mine:
Patroclus kisses you.

29

IV,5,2634

Menelaus. O, this is trim!

Patroclus. Paris and I kiss evermore for him.

30

IV,5,2637

Cressida. In kissing, do you render or receive?

Patroclus. Both take and give.

31

V,1,2933

Achilles. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.

Patroclus. Here comes Thersites.

32

V,1,2941

Thersites. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.

Patroclus. Who keeps the tent now?

33

V,1,2943

Thersites. The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.

Patroclus. Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?

34

V,1,2946

Thersites. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.

Patroclus. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?

35

V,1,2955

Thersites. Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
again such preposterous discoveries!

Patroclus. Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
thou to curse thus?

36

V,1,2958

Thersites. Do I curse thee?

Patroclus. Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
indistinguishable cur, no.

37

V,1,2965

Thersites. No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!

Patroclus. Out, gall!