Speeches (Lines) for Launce
in "Two Gentlemen of Verona"

Total: 68

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# Act, Scene, Line
(Click to see in context)
Speech text

1

II,3,593

Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping;
all the kind of the Launces have this very fault. I
have received my proportion, like the prodigious
son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial's
court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest-natured
dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father
wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat
wringing her hands, and all our house in a great
perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed
one tear: he is a stone, a very pebble stone, and
has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have
wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam,
having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my
parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. This
shoe is my father: no, this left shoe is my father:
no, no, this left shoe is my mother: nay, that
cannot be so neither: yes, it is so, it is so, it
hath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole in
it, is my mother, and this my father; a vengeance
on't! there 'tis: now, sit, this staff is my
sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and
as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid: I
am the dog: no, the dog is himself, and I am the
dog—Oh! the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so,
so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing:
now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping:
now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on. Now
come I to my mother: O, that she could speak now
like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why, there
'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down. Now
come I to my sister; mark the moan she makes. Now
the dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a
word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.

2

II,3,631

It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it is the
unkindest tied that ever any man tied.

3

II,3,634

Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.

4

II,3,640

For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.

5

II,3,642

In thy tale.

6

II,3,644

Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and
the service, and the tied! Why, man, if the river
were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the
wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.

7

II,3,649

Sir, call me what thou darest.

8

II,3,651

Well, I will go.

9

II,5,880

Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not
welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never
undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess
say 'Welcome!'

10

II,5,889

Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very
fairly in jest.

11

II,5,892

No.

12

II,5,894

No, neither.

13

II,5,896

No, they are both as whole as a fish.

14

II,5,898

Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it
stands well with her.

15

II,5,901

What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My
staff understands me.

16

II,5,904

Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,
and my staff understands me.

17

II,5,907

Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

18

II,5,909

Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,
it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.

19

II,5,912

Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

20

II,5,915

I never knew him otherwise.

21

II,5,917

A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

22

II,5,919

Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

23

II,5,921

Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the
name of a Christian.

24

II,5,926

Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to
go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

25

III,1,1263

Soho, soho!

26

III,1,1265

Him we go to find: there's not a hair on's head
but 'tis a Valentine.

27

III,1,1273

Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

28

III,1,1275

Nothing.

29

III,1,1277

Why, sir, I'll strike nothing: I pray you,—

30

III,1,1290

Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.

31

III,1,1336

I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to
think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's
all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now
that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a
team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who
'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I
will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet
'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis
a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for
wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel;
which is much in a bare Christian.
[Pulling out a paper]
Here is the cate-log of her condition.
'Imprimis: She can fetch and carry.' Why, a horse
can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only
carry; therefore is she better than a jade. 'Item:
She can milk;' look you, a sweet virtue in a maid
with clean hands.

32

III,1,1357

With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.

33

III,1,1360

The blackest news that ever thou heardest.

34

III,1,1362

Why, as black as ink.

35

III,1,1364

Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read.

36

III,1,1366

I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?

37

III,1,1368

O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy
grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.

38

III,1,1371

There; and St. Nicholas be thy speed!

39

III,1,1373

Ay, that she can.

40

III,1,1375

And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of your
heart, you brew good ale.'

41

III,1,1378

That's as much as to say, Can she so?

42

III,1,1380

What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when
she can knit him a stock?

43

III,1,1383

A special virtue: for then she need not be washed
and scoured.

44

III,1,1386

Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can
spin for her living.

45

III,1,1389

That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that,
indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names.

46

III,1,1392

Close at the heels of her virtues.

47

III,1,1395

Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on.

48

III,1,1397

That makes amends for her sour breath.

49

III,1,1399

It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

50

III,1,1401

O villain, that set this down among her vices! To
be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray
thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.

51

III,1,1405

Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot
be ta'en from her.

52

III,1,1408

I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

53

III,1,1410

Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

54

III,1,1412

If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I
will; for good things should be praised.

55

III,1,1415

Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she
is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that
I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and
that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

56

III,1,1421

Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not
mine, twice or thrice in that last article.
Rehearse that once more.

57

III,1,1425

More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The
cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it
is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit
is more than the wit, for the greater hides the
less. What's next?

58

III,1,1431

That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

59

III,1,1433

Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is
impossible,—

60

III,1,1437

Why, then will I tell thee—that thy master stays
for thee at the North-gate.

61

III,1,1440

For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a
better man than thee.

62

III,1,1443

Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long
that going will scarce serve the turn.

63

III,1,1447

Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an
unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

64

IV,4,1834

When a man's servant shall play the cur with him,
look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a
puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or
four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it.
I have taught him, even as one would say precisely,
'thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to deliver
him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master;
and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he
steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg:
O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself
in all companies! I would have, as one should say,
one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be,
as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had
more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did,
I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I
live, he had suffered for't; you shall judge. He
thrusts me himself into the company of three or four
gentlemanlike dogs under the duke's table: he had
not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing while, but
all the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says
one: 'What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him
out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke.
I, having been acquainted with the smell before,
knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that
whips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip
the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him
the more wrong,' quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you
wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out
of the chamber. How many masters would do this for
his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the
stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had
been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese
he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.
Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the
trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam
Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I
do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make
water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst
thou ever see me do such a trick?

65

IV,4,1881

Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

66

IV,4,1883

Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you
currish thanks is good enough for such a present.

67

IV,4,1886

No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him
back again.

68

IV,4,1889

Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by
the hangman boys in the market-place: and then I
offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of
yours, and therefore the gift the greater.

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