Speeches (Lines) for Feste
in "Twelfth Night"

Total: 104

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# Act, Scene, Line
(Click to see in context)
Speech text

1

I,5,299

Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
world needs to fear no colours.

2

I,5,302

He shall see none to fear.

3

I,5,305

Where, good Mistress Mary?

4

I,5,307

Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
that are fools, let them use their talents.

5

I,5,311

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
for turning away, let summer bear it out.

6

I,5,314

Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.

7

I,5,317

Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

8

I,5,323

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'
[Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
God bless thee, lady!

9

I,5,331

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

10

I,5,334

Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
that's mended is but patched: virtue that
transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

11

I,5,347

Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
prove you a fool.

12

I,5,352

Dexterously, good madonna.

13

I,5,354

I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
of virtue, answer me.

14

I,5,357

Good madonna, why mournest thou?

15

I,5,359

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

16

I,5,361

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

17

I,5,367

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
word for two pence that you are no fool.

18

I,5,387

Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
speakest well of fools!

19

I,5,404

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
brains! for,—here he comes,—one of thy kin has a
most weak pia mater.

20

I,5,414

Good Sir Toby!

21

I,5,422

Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
him; and a third drowns him.

22

I,5,428

He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
to the madman.

23

II,3,717

How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
of 'we three'?

24

II,3,728

I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

25

II,3,735

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

26

II,3,738

[Sings]
O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.

27

II,3,747

[Sings]
What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.

28

II,3,762

By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

29

II,3,764

'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.

30

II,3,768

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

31

II,3,781

Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

32

II,3,805

'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

33

II,3,808

Sir Toby, there you lie.

34

II,3,811

'What an if you do?'

35

II,3,813

'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

36

II,3,817

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
mouth too.

37

II,4,943

Are you ready, sir?

38

II,4,947

Come away, come away, death,
And in sad cypress let me be laid;
Fly away, fly away breath;
I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
O, prepare it!
My part of death, no one so true
Did share it.
Not a flower, not a flower sweet
On my black coffin let there be strown;
Not a friend, not a friend greet
My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
A thousand thousand sighs to save,
Lay me, O, where
Sad true lover never find my grave,
To weep there!

39

II,4,964

No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

40

II,4,966

Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.

41

II,4,968

Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
constancy put to sea, that their business might be
every thing and their intent every where; for that's
it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

42

III,1,1238

No, sir, I live by the church.

43

III,1,1240

No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
the church.

44

III,1,1246

You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
wrong side may be turned outward!

45

III,1,1251

I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.

46

III,1,1253

Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.

47

III,1,1257

Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
reason with them.

48

III,1,1261

Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

49

III,1,1265

No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
her fool, but her corrupter of words.

50

III,1,1271

Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
the fool should be as oft with your master as with
my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

51

III,1,1277

Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

52

III,1,1283

Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

53

III,1,1285

I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
a Cressida to this Troilus.

54

III,1,1288

The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
come; who you are and what you would are out of my
welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.

55

IV,1,1953

Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

56

IV,1,1956

Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

57

IV,1,1962

Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my
lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

58

IV,1,1971

By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
that give fools money get themselves a good
report—after fourteen years' purchase.

59

IV,1,1979

This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence.

60

IV,2,2025

Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
in't; and I would I were the first that ever
dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
become the function well, nor lean enough to be
thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

61

IV,2,2034

Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
said to a niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;'
so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for,
what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?

62

IV,2,2040

What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!

63

IV,2,2043

Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.

64

IV,2,2046

Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

65

IV,2,2052

Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
sayest thou that house is dark?

66

IV,2,2057

Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clearstores toward the south north are as
lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
obstruction?

67

IV,2,2062

Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
the Egyptians in their fog.

68

IV,2,2069

What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

69

IV,2,2071

What thinkest thou of his opinion?

70

IV,2,2073

Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

71

IV,2,2079

Nay, I am for all waters.

72

IV,2,2089

[Singing]
'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.'

73

IV,2,2093

'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

74

IV,2,2095

'Alas, why is she so?'

75

IV,2,2097

'She loves another'—Who calls, ha?

76

IV,2,2102

Master Malvolio?

77

IV,2,2104

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

78

IV,2,2107

But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
better in your wits than a fool.

79

IV,2,2112

Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore!
endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain
bibble babble.

80

IV,2,2117

Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas.
Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.

81

IV,2,2121

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
shent for speaking to you.

82

IV,2,2125

Well-a-day that you were, sir

83

IV,2,2130

I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

84

IV,2,2133

Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

85

IV,2,2137

[Singing]
I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I'll be with you again,
In a trice,
Like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain;
Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
Like a mad lad,
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, good man devil.

86

V,1,2191

Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

87

V,1,2193

Do not desire to see this letter.

88

V,1,2198

Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

89

V,1,2200

Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
for my friends.

90

V,1,2203

No, sir, the worse.

91

V,1,2205

Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
my friends and the better for my foes.

92

V,1,2213

By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
one of my friends.

93

V,1,2216

But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
you could make it another.

94

V,1,2219

Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
and let your flesh and blood obey it.

95

V,1,2223

Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

96

V,1,2231

Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
will awake it anon.

97

V,1,2397

O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
were set at eight i' the morning.

98

V,1,2488

Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
so it skills not much when they are delivered.

99

V,1,2494

Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
the madman.
[Reads]
'By the Lord, madam,'—

100

V,1,2499

No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

101

V,1,2502

So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

102

V,1,2517

Ay, madam.

103

V,1,2583

Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

104

V,1,2603

[Sings]
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate,
With hey, ho, &c.
'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, &c.
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, &c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain, &c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, &c.
But that's all one, our play is done,
And we'll strive to please you every day.

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